Volume 13, Issue 3
During my career, I’ve trained and coached thousands of professionals. I’ve also done an enormous amount of introspection and work on understanding myself. Both undertakings have provided me great insight into how and why we change, and why we don’t change. Events over the past 18 months have taught me that it’s the people who are willing to constantly operate at the edge of their comfort zone who adapt the best to disruptive events. Indeed, the greatest coaches are highly skilled in helping others operate at the edge of their comfort zone AND giving them the tools that allow them to operate successfully at the edge long after the coaching relationship is over.
Contrary to what some may think, we don’t want to take our clients far outside their comfort zone because that leaves most people in a state of fear, and fear inhibits learning, growth, and change. There are many leaders who believe that creating an atmosphere that provokes extreme fear makes it easier to get people to change. I would agree that extreme fear might temporarily cause people to change, simply to survive. However, change that comes in response to fear won’t be sustained. We revert to old ways of thinking and acting as soon as fear recedes to manageable/tolerable levels.
Putting it very bluntly, the people, groups, and organizations that operate at the edge of their comfort zone will be MUCH MORE EFFECTIVE. They will adapt the fastest and run circles around their competition. Those who are not willing to venture to the edge of their comfort zone will get bounced around like a ping-pong ball in a fierce game of table tennis. The former will be able to create their own future. The latter are more likely to feel that their fate is in someone else’s hands.
I’m sure we’ve all noticed how two people in identical situations can respond in vastly different ways to the same stimulus. My own experience has taught me that the person who responds well to trauma and change has a higher tolerance for fear than the person who doesn’t respond so well. Not surprisingly, the clients who have done the most introspection (inner work) will fare better and are the most effective.
You may be wondering what I mean by introspection. Here’s one example. Do you sit in your office every day worried about where your next billable hour is going to come from or whether the firm’s managing partner is going to tell you your contribution to the firm isn’t good enough? What is going through your mind everyday? Focus on it. Listen to yourself. Do you think about some business development activity, but worry and are fearful you either won’t be successful executing your idea or you lack the required business development savvy? That fear can be paralyzing. Get out of your comfort zone, face the fear and take action! You will know you have when you truly feel discomfort by some action you’re taking – that seemingly negative feeling is actually a positive sign that you are prepared to let yourself grow personally and professionally.
Let me illustrate this with an experience one of my clients had several months ago. My client, Sandra is always willing to operate at the outer edge of her comfort zone and doesn’t let fear unwittingly cause her to make poor decisions and miss opportunities. Another partner in the same firm, who we’ll call Trent, is not eager to move to the edge of his comfort zone. He’s been gripped by fear for the past 18 months as the economy has faltered. As a result, he is desperate for work and more billable hours. Sandra is constantly doing the inner work needed to strengthen her ability to recognize how fear appears in her daily life. Not surprisingly, she has generated tons of work that she enjoys and which stimulates her professional curiosity. Trent, on the other hand, is unwittingly being manipulated by his own fear.
Now here’s the lesson: Through Sandra’s consummate rainmaking skills, she’s able to arrange a four-way meeting with two people who work for one of her firm’s dream prospects. Some of the work needed to be done was in Trent’s sweet spot. Wisely, she brought Trent to the meeting, and as the meeting quickly unfolds, it becomes clear that the clients want to hire them. Sandra was about to ask the prospects about next steps when Trent, much to her shock and amazement, starts trying to persuade the prospects that they should hire him. Trent was actually going backward in the relationship building process and didn’t realize it!! Trent’s mistake was that he was driven by his fear – he wanted the business so badly that he was almost begging to get hired even though these prospects had signaled their hiring intentions. He proceeds to say that he pitched work to the prospect six months ago, but it didn’t get anywhere! If he wasn’t operating in a state of fear, he could see his silly mistake as plain as day.
Sandra is watching this train wreck unfold but again, to her credit, she doesn’t react in fear which is what most of us would have done. Instead, she calmly gets the meeting back on track. [As she told me, “The inner work I’ve been doing really paid off here.”] She focused on the one goal that served as the catalyst for the meeting in the first place – how can I help this prospect succeed, regardless of whether it inures to my benefit or not? In returning to that fundamental question, she begins asking them questions about the business they want to deliver, showing her continuing interest in their need (rather than promoting herself) and identifying ways she can contribute to their success. By making those inquiries, Sandra was even able to suggest some additional work that she finds very interesting and appealing.
This example illustrates the great contrast between Sandra, who is used to operating at the edge of her comfort zone, and Trent, who is decidedly NOT comfortable operating at the edge of his comfort zone. In debriefing with Sandra about the meeting we both chuckled at what was probably a slightly puzzling experience for the prospects. Sandra, while tempted to so do, could have dropped into fear herself as she watched her partner succumb to his fear. She didn’t, and instead kept an unwavering focus on the client’s needs. Without realizing it, Trent had allowed fear into the driver’s seat and completely lost sight of the prospects’ needs. I wish I could say this example is rare, but my recent experience has shown me that this occurrence is very common.
Many times during the past 18 months we’ve had to point out to clients when we think they’ve inadvertently allowed fear to drive their life or professional practice. How can you know if you’ve let fear into the driver’s seat? By paying attention to what you’re thinking and feeling.
Fear comes cleverly disguised in many forms including, but not limited to, anger, insecurity, bad feelings about yourself, disappointment, uncertainty and a host of other negative emotions. Clearly, in the meeting mentioned earlier, Trent was hijacked by his negative emotions and didn’t realize it. His fear blinded him to the fact that his own skills and reputation were desirable to this prospect who was ready to hire him based on one short meeting. Sandra, on the other hand, wouldn’t allow fear to control her.
The current economic climate is making it very easy to spot which of our clients is willing to venture to the edge of their comfort zone and which are playing it very safe. As coaches, we can’t be as helpful to those who are playing it safe all the time. Having worked with both types of people, I can tell you both are able to gain from our coaching, but it is persons like Sandra who get 100 times more value from our work together. Fear can bring out the worst in all of us, and it’s my observation that a huge percentage of people within any given firm are operating from fear. Trent is the norm, not Sandra.
It’s possible that a person who is very willing to operate at the edge of his comfort zone in one area of his life plays it safe in another area. For example, you may be very willing to operate at the edge of your comfort zone at work, but you aren’t willing to do so in your personal relationships with family and friends or vice versa. It’s been our observation that if you constantly operate at the outer edges of your comfort zone, your comfort zone keeps expanding. That means you can expand the boundaries of your personal relationships just as you can expand the boundaries of your business relationships. In each case, making relationships work better, and delving deeper into relationships, helps you overcome your fear and brings great rewards. The choice is yours. Let me say that again for emphasis – the choice is yours!
This economic market is demanding enormous changes from all of us. Here are several questions I’d like you to consider.
1. How many in your firm, department, or practice group have allowed fear into the driver’s seat?
2. Are you taking calculated risks in developing your practice?
3. Are you taking novel approaches to new business generation?
4. Who do you think you most resemble–Sandra or Trent?
5. Are you willing to operate at the edge of your comfort zone most of the time?
6. If not, plan on breathing the exhaust fumes of those who are willing to do so as they leave you behind.
Copyright 2010 Mark M. Maraia Associates