Volume 11, Issue 2
This month’s issue is on a topic about which almost everyone knows very little: Releasing negative emotions. In our coaching work, we frequently find clients stuck when they have been hijacked by one or more negative emotions or feelings. The person who is able to release these negative emotions is profoundly more peaceful, happier, and effective compared to the vast majority of people who can’t, or don’t know how to release negative emotions.
Letting Go of Negative Emotion Is a Powerful Tool
Like most of us, you’ve probably been in situations that leave you feeling negative emotions-the backstabbing or self-centered partner who has pissed you off again, the judge or client who makes ridiculous demands on you, the associate or staff person who won’t do what you ask them to do are just a few examples
With the powerful tool we advocate you will be able to actually feel and identify a negative emotion and let it go entirely. Most of us want to control or manage that type of emotion since it leaves us with a lingering, negative feeling and additional stress.
This tool is one that anyone can use to deal with negative emotions “in the moment” and later if the negative feeling resurfaces. We’ve all experienced replaying a negative experience over and over in our mind. Rejecting the negative emotion actually interrupts this “doom loop.” Rejecting negative emotions can be used in an infinite number of situations, both personal and business, without anyone ever knowing you are doing it.
The Thought Process
The tool we suggest is a thought process you say to yourself (technically to your subconscious mind). The next time you notice yourself overcome with negative emotions or getting into a lather about something or someone, ask yourself this question: “What am I feeling at this moment?”
Once you are fully in touch with the feeling or emotion, make a silent declaration to yourself that you DON’T WANT IT anymore. For example, suppose you are extremely angry with the idiot who cuts in front of you on the highway and nearly gets you both killed. Your thought might be: “I do NOT want this anger (or if felt more intensely, rage).”
Then replace that feeling with a constructive thought which is the conscious choice to have a positive state of mind. Your thought when fully expressed might be something like this: “I do NOT want this anger. I choose to be at peace instead.”
It is crucial to realize when you first start using this thought process that it may feel awkward. Like any new skill it requires practice. Over time, it will become a habit and you will find yourself working through situations in minutes rather than obsessing about them for days, weeks and months! When you are new to using this thought process you will not always feel a palpable sense of relief. Your first “internal utterance” of this statement may leave you just as angry or enraged as before. In that case, repeat it over and over again. When you stay with it, you will eventually begin to feel an obvious sense of relief.
I’ve noticed when I am into ruthlessly judging someone it takes many repetitions before I feel a palpable sense of relief. And when I am heavily invested in being right, it might take months and thousands of repetitions before it finally brings me relief. The key is it works for me 100% of the time and it can work for you too!
I’ve been practicing this thought process for more than 20 years. To say it has had a profound impact on my peace of mind is a gargantuan understatement!
Choosing Peace
I’ve asked hundreds of people if they have a process for dealing with negative emotions, in the moment, and nearly all of them say, “No.” If you don’t have a process, try this new tool right now before you finish reading this article! Search your mind for a negative emotion that has you in its grip and start practicing!!
Once you begin to practice this thought process as a habit you will notice that fewer things bother you. You may also notice that when you are bothered by something, the negative emotion doesn’t hijack you for quite as long as it may have in the past. It tends to work best for those people who have gotten sick and tired of recurring negative emotions and conclude, “There must be a better way.”
Imagine not just “dealing” with negative emotions, but releasing them entirely! That may sound too good to be true, but all I ask is that you TRY the thought process offered in this article. It is straightforward, simple and it works.
If you do try it, please write me and let me know how it worked. After over 20 years of practicing this thought process, I’ve concluded that peace is most definitely something we can choose!!
Copyright 2008 Mark M. Maraia Associates