Volume 11, Issue 3
In our work as coaches we find it crucial to assess our clients’ attitudes towards networking. Everyone we work with comes to us with different attitudes about networking. We see those attitudes falling into one of three categories or levels.
At Level 1, the attitude is “take, take, take.” Many of our clients have grown to hate the very word “networking” because of their exposure to Level 1 networkers. All of us have been on the receiving end of a Level 1 networker. Such a networker is easy to recognize-he talks non-stop about himself and what he’s looking for with little or no concern about helping you. Meanwhile, you’re thinking to yourself, “I’m never meeting with this idiot again!” One of my clients was on the receiving end from a person like this recently and it served as a valuable learning experience for her. It drove home how poorly she would come across to another if she did the same thing. She also had no interest in continuing a relationship with this person.
At the next level, what we will call Level 2, the networker is more interested in bargaining or “giving to get.” This level has a sense of fairness to it. It feels fair to give “this” in return for getting “that.” Many lawyers have built a solid book of business by networking with this attitude. I’d say the vast majority of people (80-90%) approach networking and relationships in this way. I’d even contend that most marriages are set up as bargains, but that’s another article. 🙂
There is nothing inherently evil about Level 2 networking. Throughout the business world, there are a dizzying number of consultants and coaching organizations teaching this form of networking. Even Forbes magazine devoted an entire recent issue to it.
The Level 2 networker approaches networking with an attitude of scarcity; it becomes almost instinctual to focus on what you “need” to acquire new business, and what it will “cost” in the bargain. A statement you might hear from such a networker is, “I don’t want to ask this person for a favor and use up my precious capital.” You can become a rainmaker with a healthy book of business by maintaining this attitude, but it will be a long and arduous process.
If you really want to stand out, take your networking to Level 3, the level we ask our clients to adopt. Many who try it become reinvigorated about networking. Level 3 networkers approach networking and life in general, with an attitude of abundance. Their actions are driven by a genuine desire to give to or help others. They approach networking in this way because they derive enjoyment from the activity itself-“Giving is the reward.” Abraham Lincoln called it the “better angels of our nature.”
What is wonderful and powerful about Level 3 networking is the depth of relationships that can be developed. You can actually improve your relationships exponentially when your “wealth spring never runs dry.”
The good news is you won’t have much competition in this rarified air. The bad news is you will encounter many people at Level 1 and Level 2 who will be happy to suck you dry or at least try to pull you back to playing the game their way. Don’t let them do it!! You may be asking, “Why would I undertake Level 3 networking if it leaves me vulnerable to others taking advantage?” The answer is, because it’s the right thing to do, and because the inner or “psychic” compensation you will receive is worth it. You will also attract more Level 3 networkers into your life.
One of our coaches has been meeting on his own time with a young acquaintance from his former law firm to help that younger lawyer grow in various areas of his life. At one point the younger lawyer asked, “Given your schedule and your other commitments, why are you making the time to meet with me?” Our coach responded, “Selfishly, I feel blessed when I can help younger men grow.”
Ninety-five percent of maintaining a Level 3 attitude is being intentional and making a conscious choice to network in this way. And the simple truth is that we are all capable of networking at this level. When you do, it’s inevitable that more success will come your way naturally.
As you read this article, are you wondering if you’re a Level 3 networker? It’s difficult, if not impossible, to operate at this level all the time. If you can network at Level 3 90-95% of the time, you will stand out, but you will never end up doing it by accident.
In addition to the depth of the connections you will form, I would contend that your self- awareness will also increase. It will become painfully obvious how often you don’t want to network at Level 3. And that is valuable information to possess about yourself.
It’s easy to SAY you will network in this way. It is very difficult to actually DO it most of the time. What do you say? Our CHALLENGE to you is to give it a try for one week, and see how it feels. What have you got to lose?
Copyright 2008 Mark M. Maraia Associates